A Column!
by Bob Thomas
People tell me I should write a column for a magazine. Before I commit to supplying them with a collection of my patiently thought out words of wisdom, they are going to have to answer several mighty important questions! First of all, how many words on a page? And, is it going to be a long narrow column or a wide fat one? And will it be everyday or just one day a week? Also, do I have to deliver it to the homes or do they do that?
There’s a lot to writing a column that most people don’t even think about! These are just a few of the questions I need to know the answers to before I can begin to concentrate on a weighty subject worthy of my talents!
I guess I could write about special events…but, they have other people for that. Rookies in the writing game, I guess! Or, I suppose I could cover the ‘inside’ story on the National Endowment for the Arts and the politician’s opinions, except I don’t know any politicians.
I want to know politicians. I would like to ask some of them how I should go about getting some of that ‘free’ government money that everybody is always talking about. I’m pretty sure that there is a fund of some kind, just full of money, that’s earmarked to keep writers like me quiet. So we don’t spill the beans about shady deals and stuff…or report on the political contributions of a hog farmer to a certain Senator or County Commissioner. Maybe I could look around here in town and find a juicy story about how somebody took a kickback to ‘overlook’ an illegal dog house constructed in the Historic District!
Or expose some restaurant for cooking Seagulls and calling it Chicken!
I’m not sure yet just what I’ll write about, but you can bet I ain’t writing nothing until I find out how many words are on a page!
I think I like the long skinny columns best…don’t you? If they would let me use BIG TYPE I could pick up another several thousand readers in the bifocal crowd!
Hmmn. There sure is a lot to know about writing.