Bob Thomas Writes

Tequila Sunrise
Ludlow Wadley was almost 56 years old when he became a fugitive from justice. He hadn’t planned it…hadn’t even thought about it. It just happened one day.
Ludlows’ oldest son, Walter, was a maker of moonshine liquor. He didn’t consider himself a bootlegger. Bootleggers delivered whiskey in fast cars and they were always runnin’ from the law. He envisioned himself to be the finest liquor cooker in the entire state. A Chef, if you will, of White Lightnin’ Extraordinaire’! He made it and sold it to the bootleggers. . . but he didn’t get involved in the illegal part of drivin fast and stuff like that!
Walter had a still in the basement of his Daddys’ house that could produce 150 gallons of “juice” a week. Ludlow knew about the still of course, and he didn’t think it was the right thing to do. But Walter was never good at anything he ever tried in his whole life, except makin’ liquor, so Ludlow kept his mouth shut and let Walter make his liquor. The $900.00 a week that he made sellin’ his liquor didn’t have nothin’ to do with it!
One Sunday morning Ludlow was workin’ on the still down in the basement, he often helped Walter make small repairs, when he heard a commotion up stairs.
Martha Rose, Ludlows’ wife, was trying to make biscuits for breakfast and the gas oven wouldn’t light up like it was supposed to . . . so, she asked Walter to take a look at it. Walter got down on his knees and stuck his head in the oven to see if he could find the problem. About that time Dujean,. . . (she was named Dujean because when she was born, the doctor asked Ludlow what her name was, and Ludlow said, “Do Jean sound alright”?). . . Ludlow and Martha Roses’ only daughter, came into the room and saw Walter with his head in the oven. She immediately went wild! Screamin’ at Walter, “Don’t do it Walter! Life ain’t that bad yet!” She got down on her knees to pull Walter from the oven and Walter said, “Dujean get away from me! You’re in my light!” Dujean screamed , “Mama, he a’startin to see the light! Help me git him outa their”! Martha Rose just stood their chewin’ on a wad of biscuit dough and grinnin’ like she was at a cockfight! Walter finally pulled his head out of the oven and said, “Dujean what the hell are you talkin’ about”? Dujean said, “Ain’t you tryin’ to kill yourself”? Walter said, “Hell No! Mamas’ ovens’ got a little gas leak and I’m just tryin’ to fix it”! Then he started laughin’ like a fool and fell down in the floor. Dujean got up from her knees and said, “Well it ain’t funny! After the life you been leadin’, killin’ yourself is a likely possibility”!
Walter drug hisself over to the couch and lit up a Camel.
That’s when he found out that he had a little bit of gas trapped in his “Complementary Massey Ferguson Hat” that Mr Nye, down to the hardware store had give him.. The gas exploded and set his head on fire! Walter flung hisself down on the floor and started yellin’ “Put it out! Put it out!” Martha Rose commenced to stompin’ on his head and in the process tore one of his ears loose from his head! Dujean was furiously pumpin’ on the sink pump trying to get some water out. She didn’t want Walter to set the new Sears green shag rug on fire! They still had 58 more payments to make on it!
Down in the basement, Ludlow thought all the noise was caused by the Federal Boys comin’ to bust up Walters’ still! He had been pretty sure they was goin’ to catch up to Walter one day, and this must be the day! So, he turned over the tank and dumped 150 gallons of White liquor into the floor drain! Then he climbed out of the basement window and started runnin’ towards Mexico. He figured it must be close by because they was Mexicans all over the place now-a-days!
Out behind the tractor barn, Lucy Squink, Walters’ betrothed, was negotiatin’ for her “services” with Ramone ‘Guitar’ Guitarez, the foreman from Mr. Padgetts’ farm across the way. She thought the noise was Ramones’ wife, Conchita, breakin’ up the house and lookin for her and Ramone. . . again. So, she jumped into the drainage creek and tried to swim for it. But, the liquor from the house had run into the creek and when Lucys’ Menthol Virginia Slim hit the creek it lit up like the Forth of July! There was a blue flame twenty feet high and ten feet wide flowin’ down stream towards town. . . and the only bridge for 36 miles! Lucy was dog paddling up stream like a river boat, and hollerin’ “Run ‘Guitar’, she’s agonna kill us this time”! But, ‘Guitar” Guitarez was already up in the barn loft coverin’ hisself with hay like a dog buryin’ a bone!
Down stream, in town, the fire department was tryin’ to get the truck started so they could put out the bridge fire. As they was waitin’ for Pecker Malone to get back from Mr. Nyes’ Hardware store with a battery for the truck, they had a good view of the bridge burnin’ and fallin’ into the Squink River. (Lucy’s Dad, Aich(“H”) Squink, dug the river by hand in 1932, and then he named it after hisself!)
A few days later when everybody was tryin’ to figure out what the hell happened, nobody could find
Ludlow. So, they blamed it all on him.
Ludlow got word that the law wanted to talk to him, so he just stayed down there in Mexico! He and Conchita, ( she left Ramone) have a little business that produces about 150 gallons of Tequila a week. His job is findin’ the worm to go in the bottle (If ya’ git the wrong kind, they’s real chewy!), and testin’ for flavor and such as that!
Back home, everytime Martha Rose has to drive 36 miles to town, and 36 miles back home, because there ain’t no bridge now, she cusses Ludlow so hard that his ears turn red. . . all the way down to Mexico.
Walter’s head looks like a Babys’ butt now. It’s all pink and there’s a ring of hair round his head from his hatband down.
Down in Mexico, Ludlow finally found out what was so great about a Tequila Sunrise, he sees one everyday now.