Bob Thomas Writes

As a white male I’m concerned about why I’ve not benefited from affirmative action. As I understand it, Affirmative Action is intended to bring equal opportunity to those of us who are challenged by our environment or ancestry or hairstyle or age or something.

 Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for everyone getting all they can from the system. I personally think we should have Affirmative Action for everyone – have you notice that in 4000 years not one protestant has been a Rabbi? Or Pope? Come on guys, you mean that in all those years not one Baptist Preacher had the skills? O.K., that’s stretching it a bit I know.  Besides, I know some Baptist preachers that are so homophobic you’d never get them into that Pope’s outfit!

 I’m pretty sure – not positive – but I do know some of my relatives pretty well, and I can’t help but imagine a few of my ancestors were toasted on an open fire, or beheaded for some innocuous infraction of a medieval pool hall rule – like using wig powder on his shooting hand. And I imagine that I had a few relatives that were dirt poor, or more recently introduced to the short end of a rope for sitting on the wrong horse, and they were probably lynched or tarred and feathered. So why can’t I get a cash settlement for the unjust lack of a fair trial for them?

Granted there is no doubt they were guilty, but they still deserved to be railroaded in a genuine court room. Right?

  If our university system can refuse entrance to an average white male because of a tiny 20 point near miss on his SAT’s, and admit an affirmative action applicant and over look his 300 point near miss and inability to speak English or add up a column of single digit numbers,  why can’t the NBA recruit me?

 I’m relatively sure I deserve an NBA contract. I’ll take $4 million a year please.

 O.K., so I’m old, fat, slow, have bad knees, have to use both hands to dribble and my hook shot tends to amaze me by the direction, or lack of, it takes. But I still think the NBA could kick in the Affirmative Action clause and let me play – or at least let me suit-up for the game.