Bob Thomas Writes

Raku’s Diary
Raku, the gallery cat, was diagnosed with “Chronic Kidney Failure” on January 29,2002
This is the tale of his last few days? weeks? months? – We’ll just have to wait and see.
1/29/02 As I type this my nine year old cat, “Raku” is gently digging his claws into my left arm and rubbing his head on my shoulder. It’s his way of telling me that he is HUNGRY! He just started a special diet to try and preserve his failing kidneys. He is in chronic kidney failure. In a few days, weeks or maybe months, as his kidneys continue to fail, I’ll have to ‘put him down’. He is thoroughly confused by the ‘food’ situation. He usually gets a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit on Sunday mornings. During the week he manages to catch a few leftovers from the restaurant next door. . . a handful of chicken or tuna salad. A bite of bacon or hamburger. But now he’s not allowed to enjoy any snacks.
When he’s allowed outside he really doesn’t even wander over to the restaurant anymore. . . I think it’s because he just “feels bad” and doesn’t want to walk that far. But also, I tell myself, it’s because he knows there’s something wrong with him. He doesn’t leave my side for long, and he’s started to sit on my desk and watch the cursor on the screen. He’s never been on my desk before, so it’s a new experience for both of us. He used to just say ‘Hello’ to me in the morning, get his breakfast, and spend the day wandering the neighborhood and visiting the other shops. But now I think he’s trying to tell me that he’s aware of his fate. . . and he’s not upset with me for what I’m going to have to do to him. At least I hope that’s what he’s trying to tell me. Raku has been a good cat. People love to pet him and he loves to be petted. . . as much as 100+ times a day in the summer! He’s slumbered in all the shelves in the gallery at one time or another, often scaring the bejeebers out of folks who thought he was a ‘stuffed toy’. He’s never bitten or scratched anyone on purpose, often just walking away from anyone who offends him. Dogs have learned that he carries a fist full of ‘knives’ in both paws. Most learned it the hard way! One of his victims is now referred to as “Blinkey”! He’s caught a few ducks I suspect, because he’s surrounded by the them here. I’ve seen him catch a fish! He just reached in the water and slapped it out on the ground! I also saw him catch a Blue Jay one day. After holding it on the ground for few seconds, he released it. After being fed by some of our better restaurants, I guess the thought of eating an uncooked bird was just too much for him!
I’m going to miss him. . . a lot. He is my business partner. He handles the day to day Public Relations…greeting customers, lowering blood pressure by letting folks pet him, calming folks down a little bit while they look around and enjoy the serenity that surrounds us. He has survived multiple hurricanes by running a block up the street and hiding under a porch until the ‘all clear’ sounds! He, unlike me, has enough sense to get away from the waters edge when a storm surge threatens!
He’s decided to take matters into his own hands now. . . he’s licking me to see if I’m edible!
Raku, the gallery cat.
It’s going to be hard to say good bye. So, I’d better start now.

2/5/02 Well, it’s been a week of bad food, little water and a lot of petting, and Raku is doing just fine! He sleeps most of the day, usually within a few feet of me, and begs to be petted every half hour or so. I admit that I’ve put nice soft towels in every spot he likes to lay in! There’s one in the front window, one on the counter by me, and one on the desk next to the computer, for him to rest on. I’ve even left his front window spot ‘bare’ of displays so he can lay there and see outside. He meets me in the morning, with very vocal ‘meows’, telling me that he’s hungry! He eats his special diet food about like I would eat a bowl full of tofu…very disgustedly. He takes a bite and holds it in his mouth. Waiting on it to ‘get better’ I guess! It doesn’t, so he swallows it as quickly as possible. Then he takes a drink of water, another bite, a drink of water, another bite etc. We go through the “pet-me-while-you-feed-me” process about 4 times a day now. He won’t eat unless he’s being petted at the same time. That comes from when he was a stray nine years ago, and we could only get close to him while he was eating. . . since then he associates eating with petting!
He obviously feels bad. He doesn’t wander very far when he’s allowed out . . . actually, he doesn’t even go more than 10 feet from the door, and he comes back in when he’s called! Very unusual for him. . . he’s never allowed himself to “be called” before. If the weather is pretty and warm he’ll stay out for an hour or so, usually he goes back to see the folks in the gallery behind me. Ray, the owner, is a cat lover and thinks Raku is one of the “nicest” cats he’s ever seen. He also lets Raku up on the work bench to watch him frame pictures, or try to work on his computer. Raku also tries to walk on Ray’s computer keyboard! It’s odd that ,after all these years, he’s suddenly enamored with keyboards!
He’s started a behavior I wouldn’t believe if it wasn’t happening to me. He stays under foot all day long. If I sit and type, as now, he gets on the keyboard if he cannnlllllkdlwwwwwwwwwwwdiwooooo;ingr3[m[efr. . . . see? If I don’t let him on the keyboard he sits next to me and “kneads” my arm, shoulder, belly, cheek… anything he can touch with his ‘razor sharp’ claws! I have hundreds of pin holes in my skin now and my arms look like I’ve been in an ice pick fight! He’s just ‘lovin’ on me I know, but it sure does hurt. Of course, I’ve always been told that “Love Hurts”! Now he’s drooling on me because I’m scratching him . . .I’ve always thought it must be great to feel so good you drool!
I’m thankful that I’ve had another week with my friend. . . I hope he is too.
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Feb.13, 2002
As I write this Raku is resting on my arm. He has his head in the crook of my elbow and his claws are lightly buried in my arm. He’s not hurting me, but I know he’s there! Since he always sits on my left side, I have puncture marks from my waist to my shoulder now!
Raku is still hanging in there! He’s down to about 5 or 5 1/2 pounds now and he’s feeling bad most of the time I think. He meets me in the morning and gets his breakfast of KD Cat food. I dip out about a table spoonful and chop it up for him. He takes a bite, holds it in his mouth for a second or two, bites down and some falls out and some falls in! He eats, I pet. I spoon out a little more. He eats, I pet. We go on like this for about 20 or 30 minutes until he walks away. If the weather is nice he’ll sit outside for awhile. Sometimes hours, sometimes 10 or 20 minutes. I check on him every so often to see if he wants in. He’s staying pretty much on the deck by the gallery now. He visits the shops behind me, or ventures out to the front yard. Only once or twice has he gone to the restaurant next door. . . it’s a long walk for him now.
He’s drooling on me. I don’ t know if he’s relaxed or just ‘loosing it’! But, either way, I guess it’s O.K.
He’s staying off the keyboard now… I guess he found out it’s not too comfortable. Or perhaps he has nothing to say.
I’m going to miss him.
February 19, 2002
Raku is declining rapidly. He was meeting me in the morning, eating a little food, and spending a few hours outside. Then he would spend the day sleeping or leaning against me.
Now he eats very little, sits in the Sun for 20 or 30 minutes and comes back inside and climbs up on his towel and sleeps. He doesn’t come to me now, he lets me find him. He doesn’t move when I pet him. I sat for a while with his head in my hand. He just rests his chin in my hand and goes to sleep. I pet, comb and stroke him for a while.
I took him in my arms and held him for a while this morning. He snuggled down into the crook of my arm and closed his eyes. Usually he digs his claws in to let me know that he doesn’t like to be picked up. Now he seems to appreciate it. I wish love could cure.
He’s quit meowing as often. . . he just ‘chirps’ a little to let me know he’s there, or wants something. I’m not sure he’s eating much at all. I actually ‘counted’ his dry food pellets Saturday night to see how much he was eating. By Sunday morning he had eaten 13 pellets. About the same as 13 kernels of corn. His water bowl has diminished slightly… almost not at all. I don’ think he can ‘do’ another week for me. I believe He is, in fact, doing it ‘for’ me you know. I’m sure that He knows he’s dying. Or, at least, I believe he knows. As hard as I’m trying to be kind and gentle with him, he’s doing the same with me.
He’s my friend, and he’s doing what friends do.
February 20, 2002
Well, the Sun came up and so did Raku! He met me at the door this morning howling for food. Poor guy. . . he’s so weak that he knocks himself down if he shakes his head too hard. When I pet him I have to be extra careful… he’s lost so much weight that it takes very little to push him over.
I do love him. He’s been my confidant, friend and buddy for many years. He’s stuck with me through thick or thin… although I suspect he didn’t know he was doing it.
Another day survived.
Feb. 25, 2002 – 11 a.m.
It appears that Raku will be leaving this world in the next day or so. . .
He didn’t meet me this morning. I found him on his rug on the counter. He was awake, but I surprised him when I walked in the gallery… he didn’t hear me.
He’s always preferred his breakfast served on the deck rail, in the warm morning sun. I scratch and pet, while he eats. This morning he looked at his food bowl and gently reached out and pushed it off the rail! I replaced it, he slapped it off and broke it! He walked in the yard for a few minutes and returned to his bed. He’s been there for 4 hours now…. perhaps this is the day.
I’ll have to decide if I can do it today or not. Apparently Raku is trying to tell me that he’s through waiting for me to ‘adjust’ to his leaving . . . it’s almost as if he’s saying “Let Go! I’m finished”.
I’m not.
Still Feb 25, 2002 – 3 p.m.
Four hours ago I thought Raku would be with me for another day or two. He’s not. I’ve watched him sleep all day on his rug. He feels bad. He’s not in pain, but he’s appears to be . . . sick. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, but I believe he knows he’s not going to last much longer. I believe, really, really believe that he’s holding on for me. Silly I know, but I know that he “loves me” in the best way he can. Although, I’m not sure animals actually “love”, or even have any concept of it.
Still Feb. 25, 2002 – 3:30 p.m.
I just called the vet and made an appointment to have him ‘put down’ this evening at 5:30. I dug his grave. I’ll spend the next couple of hours trying to convince him, and myself, that this is the right thing to do.
How do you tell a cat that you love him? Oh, I can say the words, caress him, make him as comfortable as possible. . . but, how can I be sure he knows that I’m killing him for his on good. So he won’t suffer or feel pain.
How do I do that?
It’s 3:30 in the afternoon now. My friend has two hours to live.
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Feb 26, 2002
Raku is gone.
At 5:30 last night the vet injected him with the potion that took his life, and ceased his misery and discomfort.
I buried him in the front yard next to the stone bench. He used to spend summer days sleeping there. He love to lie in the sun with the breeze ruffling his fur and the stone bench cooling the sun’s heat. I think he also did it so folks could pet him as they passed.
He died with great dignity. He closed his eyes and relaxed into my hands. I hope his last feelings were of contentment and relief. I hope there was a last kind thought about me.
He was wrapped in the towel he slept on in the window for the last few weeks. He wanted to be inside in the warmth, but he also wanted to be outside. The window, where he could see the world go by, was the best I could do for him.
I will miss him terribly. He was my friend. He looked forward to me showing up in the mornings, and always let me know it. I’m sure it was because he was hungry, but I like to think it was because he was glad to see me.

The next few weeks will take a little adjusting for me. You see, I’ve just spent 9 years of my life “having” to go to my store to feed Raku, or care for him in some way. I couldn’t leave town, or fail to show up because my friend needed me. Over the nine years I was often late, very late. But he was there waiting for me. He had more faith in me than I did. I guess he knew that “friends don’t let friends down”. I always felt a tremendous responsibility to him. Perhaps it was because I knew that he was somewhat like me in that we both had only each other to be concerned about. Also, some mornings he needed me in a most critical way if he had been injured in a territory fight the night before.
I occasionally found him with bites, cuts or scratches that needed attention. Once in a while he would have his foot through his collar! I often tried to imagine just how frightened he was to suddenly find that he had to defend himself as a “three legged cat”. Some mornings his collar was just gone!
There was one constant in Raku’s territorial fights. . . he was always here the next morning, and his opponent was not! And, Raku always had proof of his victory in the form of cat hair under his claws!
Enough.
My friend is gone.
I will miss him. Maybe now, you will too.
His name was “RAKU”.